


Taiga and Bunny

by lucybeetle



Category: Kamen Rider Ex-Aid
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Trolling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-22
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-19 06:50:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9423419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucybeetle/pseuds/lucybeetle
Summary: Dan's fixation with a certain fluffy animal is really starting to annoy Taiga.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [guava](https://archiveofourown.org/users/guava/gifts).



> For guava, who after a lot of study and hard work has finally got her first job after university.
> 
> When I was a child my mother had just started dating my new stepfather around Christmas time, and that year they addressed each other's presents to "Baby" and "Bunnykins." It was so cringemaking. I'd had the idea for a while of trying to incorporate that into a fic somehow, and then along came a meme from Japanese Ex-Aid fans drawing Taiga as a bunny or posting pictures of bunnies that supposedly look like him. Guava LOVES it, so I came up with this fic. It's not great but I hope the idea is amusing all the same.
> 
> Set up to episode 8, aired on November 27 2016 - canonically Taiga's 29th birthday.

"Did anyone ever tell you that you look like a little bunny?” said Dan, as he and Taiga lay in each other’s arms.

No, no one had ever told Taiga that; because it would be ridiculous. He couldn’t see how he looked like a bunny in any way, shape, or form. It was typical of Dan to say something as pointless as this and disturb him just as Taiga was trying to get to sleep. Taiga glowered up at Dan but said nothing.

“Your nose looks like a little bunny nose. And the streaks in your hair look like two floppy ears.” Dan reached out to comb his fingers through the silvery strands, “It’s very cute.”

“Shut the fuck up,” said Taiga; and rolled over, pulling the blankets over his head.

***

Taiga’s future in medicine had indeed been a bright one, as his teachers had predicted when he was a young student. They just couldn’t have known that he would see more professional success, and develop his craft further, as an unlicensed doctor than he ever had as a “genius radiologist” at Seito University Hospital.

He’d had a long day and was waiting for his final patient when the ancient, crackling intercom buzzed. That was unusual. His regulars usually didn’t bother with the intercom.

Taiga picked up the receiver, cautiously, “Who is it?”

“Delivery for Dr Hanaya Taiga,” said the voice at the other end.

He hadn’t ordered anything (although, now he came to think of it, he did need to replenish stocks.) It was best that he didn’t answer. He’d had irate gang members stomping in here more than once, demanding to know when Taiga had last seen a rival - although they usually just barged their way in. The door wasn’t locked except late at night.

“I’ll be down in a moment,” said Taiga, and took his Driver and Gashats with him.

The person at the end was holding the largest stuffed rabbit Taiga had ever seen. It was probably half Taiga's height (he was taller than average); neatly wrapped in transparent gift wrap with a yellow pattern and ribbon. Attached to it was a card that read _For my sexy little bunny._

“Take it back,” said Taiga. “I don’t want it.”

“That’s fine, sir, but you’ll have to pay a delivery charge of –”

“The sender can pay it, can’t he?” said Taiga, and as an afterthought took out a pen and wrote _CRAP NOT WANTED_ on the bottom of the card.

When he arrived in Dan’s office two days later, wanting to know about the ongoing development of the Gashats, the rabbit was sitting in the middle of Dan’s desk, neatly filed paperwork on either side.

“I crash here sometimes if I’m working late,” said Dan, when Taiga glanced over at it – “And I need something to sleep next to when you’re not around. He reminds me of you.”

That didn’t even deserve an answer; so Taiga chose not to dignify it with one.

***

Dan was caressing Taiga’s back, pressing kisses to Taiga’s neck and shoulders and the top of his spine. Taiga liked this. They had both drunk quite a lot, and Dan’s movements were becoming a little clumsier; Taiga thought he might stop Dan from going too much further, but had no intention of getting up off this sofa until he was satisfied. He liked the two sofas, which were soft and had a high back and sides. There was a reason he privately thought of them as the “fuck square.”

“You know what I’d really like to do?” Dan said into Taiga’s ear, giving it a little nibble directly after.

“I don’t care. Either do it or shut up.”

“I’d like to play with your fluffy bunny tail.” Dan gave Taiga’s bottom a squeeze, “Mmm … so soft.”

“What the fuck?” Taiga flipped over, and Dan hastily scrambled up off the sofa.

“You could wear a little tail. And a pair of ears. You don’t have to have the whole corset and fishnets regalia –”

Taiga shoved at Dan. “Will you shut up about the whole bunny thing? It’s really starting to piss me off.”

“You _do_ look like a little bunny. You’re even twitching your nose like one.” Dan was smiling at him, “Look.”

He led Taiga across to the bathroom to look in the mirror there. Taiga couldn’t see any twitching going on. He briefly studied his face for any traces of lapine resemblance, and found none. All he saw was his usual frown; he straightened his expression anyway lest Dan start gushing again about how bunny-like it was.

“I can’t see anything,” said Taiga.

“You’ve stopped doing it now,” said Dan.

Taiga glowered at him. “I don’t want to hear any more about bunnies and ESPECIALLY not tonight. You’re killing the mood. One more damn word out of you and I’m going home.”

“It’s funny,” said Dan. “There is an animal that can fuck for a very long time. I wonder what it’s called … it’s on the tip of my tongue …”

Taiga kissed him just so that Dan would finally go quiet.

***

Birthdays didn’t mean a lot to Taiga, any more. Next year he would have been thirty years old. That age didn’t mean a lot to him either; but others made such a big deal out of it that he was almost grateful that the Gashats would have long broken down his human body by then.

He would have been quite happy to work until late and completely forget that he’d been born on this day twenty-nine years ago; but when he’d finished re-attaching a patient’s missing toes (Taiga never asked questions) he had a message from Dan inviting him over to share a birthday drink. Well, couldn’t say no. He’d felt more stressed than usual over the last few days, being the only Kamen Rider who hadn’t yet achieved a Level 3 form; and it beat drinking alone in his office, straight out of the bottle. There was only one thing he needed to remind Dan about.

“I refuse to put on a bunny suit or eat a bunny birthday cake or whatever the fuck else weird bunny-themed garbage you’ve thought of.”

“Who mentioned bunnies?” said Dan, his tone as calm and steady as if he were discussing Genm Corp’s budget projections for the next year. “I certainly didn’t.”

“You never shut up about it.”

“I only asked if you wanted to come over and share a drink for your birthday. But if you’re too busy -“

Taiga cut the call and went to get his jacket.

There was no sign of the stuffed bunny in Dan’s office any longer, or the computer desktop background of rabbits hopping through a field. Dan had brought several bottles of good booze and a birthday cake. Taiga didn’t really do sweets, and cringed at Kagami Hiiro’s weakness for them; but he _did_ enjoy dark chocolate, and Dan knew it.

“What’s wrong?” said Dan.

Taiga said, “I’m checking that _you_ haven’t done anything weird or annoying again.”

“Why would I want to upset the one I love on his birthday?” said Dan, and reached for a glass, “Whiskey?”

Taiga accepted it sullenly and scanned the room again, just in case. All clear – or so it seemed.

He’d had a few drinks and was just beginning to let his guard down a little when Dan reached into the drawer of his desk, “I almost forgot. Just a little token.”

“I _hope_ this isn’t anything stupid,” said Taiga.

“You might be a little more grateful. Open it.”

Taiga studied the parcel. It was obviously a flat box, and he couldn’t possibly think of what it could contain that might be bunny-themed. Jewellery, maybe, but then he already wore a necklace every day. He tore open the wrapping paper; yellow again, his favourite colour. Yep. Jewellery. Dan thought that sort of thing was terribly romantic, impractical though it was.

“Don’t you want to see what it is?” said Dan.

Seeing that it wasn’t a ring made Taiga take a deep breath in relief. The silver didn’t quite match the dog tag around his neck, but he liked the snake-style chain of his new bracelet. There was something else on the bracelet, too. Taiga turned it over to look at the little charm –

“Is that the fucking Playboy logo?”

“Of course not. I wouldn’t be anywhere near so crass,” said Dan. “It’s an original design.”

“And what’s all this blingy stuff? It looks like a twelve-year-old girl would wear it.”

“Swarovski crystals.”

Taiga flung the bracelet down on the table, “You can take it back to the shop. Or shove it up your ass. I don’t care what you do with it. _I’m_ not wearing it.”

“Calm down, my little bunny,” said Dan, and produced a plastic bowl from behind a paper file, “I made your favourite snack.”

(How had Taiga not noticed the bowl of salad sitting right there on Dan’s desk?)


End file.
